


Wednesday 13 Monsters of the universe

by ArchiveAstro



Series: Wednesday 13 Monsters of the universe [1]
Category: Wednesday 13 (Band)
Genre: Crack, Dark Comedy, Gen, Horror, Monsters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29189709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchiveAstro/pseuds/ArchiveAstro
Summary: Alright so this is chapter one of my first edgy cringy crack fanfic of Wednesday 13, What is there to say about it? I wrote it very late at night as a joke. Anyways enjoy or not. I might edit the fic a bit so that it's more I don't know story like and not script like but not right now. If for whatever reason you want to read ahead before I post anymore chapters you can read the whole series over on my DeviantArt AstroBourbon13, along with other work I have done.
Series: Wednesday 13 Monsters of the universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143032
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so this is chapter one of my first edgy cringy crack fanfic of Wednesday 13, What is there to say about it? I wrote it very late at night as a joke. Anyways enjoy or not. I might edit the fic a bit so that it's more I don't know story like and not script like but not right now. If for whatever reason you want to read ahead before I post anymore chapters you can read the whole series over on my DeviantArt AstroBourbon13, along with other work I have done.

Roman: What are you doing now Kyle?

Kyle: Setting up my new toy!

Roman: Really now of all times, you know that we have band practice to do.

Troy: What is the toy supposed to do man?

Kyle: It’s supposed to swing this axe here and hit who ever opens that door.

Troy: Ah well carry on then you crazy cat.

Roman: Wait what? We need Kyle in order to practice he’s the drummer and we need the drummer to keep the beat of the music.

Troy: Why don’t I just use my bass as a drum?

Roman: Does a bass have any crashes, rides, high hats, toms, snares or whatever else a drum has?

Troy: No, but it has a bass.

Roman: That is not funny.

*The door opens activating Kyle’s toy, someone walks in and gets hit in the head with the axe. The person gets knocked unconscious, Roman looks at the person who just got hit and realizes who it was while Kyle just stands there laughing at the person*

Roman: Dammit Kyle, you just knocked Wednesday out!

Kyle: So?

Roman: So…SO? We go on tour tomorrow our lead singer is out cold and he’s the band’s name!

Kyle: I still don’t see what the problem is.

Roman: We can’t have a band named Wednesday 13 without Wednesday 13.

*Wednesday groans in pain, rips the axe out of his head, Jack taps Troy on the shoulder and points to Wednesday, Troy sees that Wednesday is waking up and tells the guys to look which they all do*

Wednesday: What’s going on?

Roman: Good you’re awake.

Wednesday: Who am I, where am I and who are you people?

Roman: Guys we have a problem, Wednesday has amnesia, we need to do something to jog his memory.

Kyle: Hey can I try something?

Roman: Don’t you remember the last time you tried something?

Kyle: The axe?

Roman: You know what I’m talking about.

*Flash back*

Roman’s dad: …And over here we have an acidic gas missile. It’s a missile that when launched it explodes and releases a very acidic gas that will burn through just about everything in a matter of seconds, there’s enough gas in that thing to cover all of Saturn, that’s the button to activate it.

Kyle: Sweet can I press it?

Roman’s Dad: Sorry but no, we don’t have it set up right now so it won’t go anywhere also it would explode here if anyone tried to launch it. It should be finished in about a week, well let’s move on, over here we have…

*Kyle stays behind while the others walk off, they notice that Kyle is not with them and wonder where he went. That is when they hear him laughing psychotically and see him about to press the button, the guys yell at Kyle telling him not to do it. But it was too late he had already pressed the button, the missile exploded. Flash back end, Kyle laughs, meanwhile Wednesday had wandered off and left the building, Jack points to the door*

Roman: Why didn’t you stop him? Dammit this day couldn’t get any worse, Troy go out and find Wednesday.

Troy: Who made you the fucking boss and why me?

Roman: For starters I’m second in command and you look the most human out of all of us, that’s why.

Troy: I seriously fucking hate you sometimes man.

Roman: And no stopping for any smoke breaks!

*Troy flips Roman off as he walks out the door. Later Troy he finds himself in a toy store which looks like a tornado went through it, people run out of the store in fear. The toy store employee tells Wednesday who has shape shifted into his serpent form and who was the one that caused the mess that he has to ask him to leave because he is scaring away all of the costumers but Wednesday just ignores him and rips some action figures out of their packages and starts to play with them. The toy store employee then tells Wednesday that he is going to have to pay for them, Wednesday just continues to ignore the employee*

Troy: Wednesday what the fuck are you doing, man?

Toy employee: Excuse me do you know this guy?

Troy: Yes sorry he’s uh…my brother.

Toy employee: Brother, but the two of you look nothing alike and what is up with his skin, teeth, eyes, nails and why is he acting like a little kid?

Troy: He’s adopted he likes to play dress up and he’s…special.

Toy employee: I understand.

Troy: Come on Wednesday it’s time to go home man.

Serpent Wednesday: But I don’t wanna!

Troy: Now Wednesday and leave those toys here.

Serpent Wednesday: I want them!

Troy: You don’t fucking need them.

Serpent Wednesday: But I want them!

Troy: How much?

Toy employee: $ 5,000.

Troy: $ 5,000 for a couple of plastic toys?

Toy employee: No the action figures are $ 9.99 a piece, the damage your brother caused is more.

Troy (Pulls out money and gives it to the Toy employee, thinking): Dammit, and people call me a thief. (Steals the money back when the employee was not looking) That’s right I am.

*Back at Wednesday’s apartment, Wednesday is singing children’s songs while playing with his new action figures*

Roman: What happened?

Troy: Apparently he now thinks he’s a little human kid, good news is he remembers his name.

Roman: Wednesday you need to snap out of it!

Kyle: Hey you guys, why don’t we just show him some things to help jog his memory that might help?

Roman: What did I tell you earlier?

Kyle: Come on Roman, can I at least say what it is that I want to do?

Roman (Sighs): Fine but that doesn’t mean we’re going to do it, what is it?

Kyle: I was going to say we show him photos of the band, perhaps if he sees past memories he might remember something.

Roman: Worth a shot.


	2. Wednesday 13 monsters of the universe chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two of my first edgy cringy crack fanfic of Wednesday 13, if for whatever reason you want to read ahead before I post anymore chapters you can read the whole series over on my DeviantArt AstroBourbon13, along with other work I have done.
> 
> In this chapter the guys arrive at the venue of their first show for the tour in San Antonio, while Roman heads off with a couple of fans.

*Roman grabs a photo album, everyone goes and sits down on the couch in Wednesday’s living room, Roman opens the album and points to the pictures.*

Serpent Wednesday: I want to watch G.I. Joe!

Roman: No, now pay attention! Do you recognize any of these places?

Serpent Wednesday: Who are you people? My mama and daddy always told me never talk to strangers, are you guys strangers?

*The guys tell Wednesday that they are not strangers then Wednesday’s stomach growls so he gets up and leaves to look for something to eat*

Roman: Dammit all we don’t have time for this, Wednesday get back here!

*Wednesday returns, Scream Wednesday’s cat enters the room. Scream meows and rubs up against Troy’s legs. Troy pats Scream on the head, Scream purrs, Troy picks Scream up*

Troy: I got an idea, Wednesday! Do you recognize who this is?

Serpent Wednesday: It’s a kitty!

Troy: Yes it’s a kitty.

Serpent Wednesday: Yay!

Troy: But what is her name?

Serpent Wednesday: Um…Tom?

Troy: No try again.

Serpent Wednesday: Jerry?

Troy: Fuck No!

Kyle: Jerry’s a mouse.

Troy: Not fucking helping Kyle!

*Troy lets go of Scream, Scream wanders off*

Roman: How about we have him listen to our music?

Troy: Nothing else has worked but let’s try it.

Roman: Wednesday listen to this.

*Roman grabs a CD player and puts on a Wednesday 13 cd*

Serpent Wednesday: They sound terrible!

Troy: Wednesday that’s us man.

Serpent Wednesday: Sorry but my god! What is up with that guy’s voice is he trying to lose it or sound like a chain smoker wait a minute that’s you isn’t it Troy?

Troy: No I play the Bass and do back up singing.

Roman: That’s you singing Wednesday.

Serpent Wednesday: Really? Man we should of never quit our day jobs.

Roman: We never had a day job.

Troy: I did.

Roman: Bartending for part time on minimum wage doesn’t really count Troy.

Kyle: How about we set my toy back up and have it hit him in the head again?

Roman: Why the hell would you even suggest that?

Troy: It just might work.

Roman: How?

Troy: He got amnesia when got hit in the head with the axe right?

Roman: Right?

Troy: Well maybe if we hit him in the head again it might give him his memory back.

Roman (Sighs): Kyle go set your toy up again.

*Kyle laughs, a few minutes later Wednesday stands outside the door with Roman*

Roman: Is everything set up?

Kyle: Not yet, Hold on…alright finished, Wednesday you can come in now.

*Wednesday opens the door walks in gets hit in the head and falls down*

Roman: Wednesday?

Serpent Wednesday (Groans in pain, rips the axe out, angry): MOTHERFUCKER FUCK THAT HURT, Kyle you son of a bitch I told you not to fucking mess around like that in my apartment, fuck!

Kyle: I thought it’d be funny and I was bored.

Serpent Wednesday: You thought it’d be funny? That’s it!

*Wednesday grabs the axe and slams it deep into Kyle’s head, Kyle laughs uncontrollably as blood gushes from his head and runs down his face*

Troy: Guess we can get to band rehearsal then?

Serpent Wednesday: Fuck that shit, I’m going to bed!

*The next day on the road Kyle and Jack are sleeping, Roman is driving, Troy and Wednesday are sitting in the living room area of the bus, Troy lights a cigarette*

Roman: Really Troy you can’t go 20 hours without smoking?

Serpent Wednesday: Troy.

Troy: Yeah man?

Serpent Wednesday: Get rid of it.

Troy: Huh? But I can’t function or breathe without them, you fucking know that.

Serpent Wednesday (Gets up, walks over to Troy, lifts him up by the neck and squeezes tightly): I told you to get rid of them.

Troy (Choking): Let go you’re choking me, (Gasps) I can’t breathe!

Serpent Wednesday (Squeezes tighter): As soon as you get rid of the cigarettes.

*Troy throws the cigarette box into the trash, Wednesday drops Troy and sits back down, Troy is gasping for air as he climbs weakly back onto the seats*

Troy: Ah fuck! What is your god damn fucking problem, and why didn’t you try to stop him?

Roman: Because I’m driving and we’re talking about Wednesday here.

Serpent Wednesday: I’m sorry Troy, guess I’m still a little bit pissed off from last night. (Digs the cigarette box out of the trash, hands them to Troy) Go on and smoke.

Troy: Fuck you.

*Troy takes his cigarettes back from Wednesday and lights one, later at the venue*

Wednesday: Kyle, Jack wake the fuck up we’re here!

Roman: Give me the passes Troy, I want to give them to them.

Troy: Yeah right, you just want to do it because you know that the fans are ladies and you enjoy the attention they give you.

Roman: Not my fault I’m so good looking.

Troy: Oh boy, fuck look alright here if it’d make you so happy then take them.

*Troy gives the passes to Roman, Roman wanders off. Troy thinks to himself*

Troy: Idiot doesn’t even understand what they even want from him.

Roman: Excuse me are you two Mary and Jane?

Mary: Yes who’s asking? (Sees Roman) Oh my god Jane look!

Jane: What is it? (Sees Roman) I can’t believe it!

Mary/Jane: IT’S ROMAN SURMAN! (Shrieks)

Roman: The one and only!

Mary: This is just way to awesome!

Roman: Well here you ladies go (Hands them their passes) I’ll be seeing you two later I guess.

Jane: Wait a minute Roman?

Roman: Yes?

Jane: Would you like to hang out with us for a little bit before the show?

Roman: Sure we can hang out know any good restaurants around here? I’m starving.

Jane: There’s one down the road.

Roman: Alright let’s go.

Mary: So Roman what’s with the mask?

Roman: What this?

Mary: Yeah why don’t you take it off you’re not performing right now.

Roman: I don’t think that’s a good idea.


	3. Wednesday 13 monsters of the universe chapter 3

Jane: How are you going to eat?

Roman: I don’t…You really want to know why I don’t take my mask off?

Mary/Jane: Yes.

Roman: Follow me.

*The three go down an alley*

Roman: Now are you sure you two really want to know?

Mary: Yes we are sure.

Roman: This is why.

*Roman removes the mask and points to a scar on his face from where his mouth was cut open, Mary and Jane jump and gasp at the sight*

Jane: Roman how did that happen?

Roman: I rather not say.

Mary: Don’t worry Roman you can tell us.

Roman: Wednesday did it.

Mary: What? Did you report him?

Roman: No I didn’t.

Jane: Roman you need to report something like that to the police.

Mary: I’ll call.

Roman: NO DON’T!

*Mary takes her cell phone out and starts dialing 911, Roman grabs the phone and swallows it*

Mary: Roman that was my phone, why did…how did? (Touches Romans face gets hand ripped off by the black hole in Romans mouth, looks at missing hand, screams in horror, panics) Oh fuck what the fuck happened to my hand?! (Blood gushes out)

Jane: Mary!

Roman: Shit here let me…

Mary (Screams): Stay away from us!

Roman: But?

Jane (Horrified): You stay away from us, come on Mary let’s get you to a hospital!

Roman: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, please let me help you! Please if Wednesday finds out about this he’ll kill me, come on please let me help before she dies from blood loss!

*Jane steps away from Roman with Mary*

Roman: I promise I won’t hurt either of you. Here look (Puts mask back on) see I put my mask back on. (Horrified look in eyes) Please!

Mary (Starts to feel weak): Jane let him help.

Jane: What? No he’s…!

*Back at the venue*

Serpent Wednesday: Anyone see where Roman went?

Troy: Last time I checked he went to go give the passes to the guests.

Kyle (Laughs): He’s surrounded by a pool of fresh human blood!

Serpent Wednesday: WHERE?!

Kyle: I don’t know where it smells like it’s down the road (Sniffs) down an alley I think.

Serpent Wednesday: I’ll be back in a few minutes (Teleports to Roman's location).

Roman: ...Please before (Sees Wednesday) Shit!

Serpent Wednesday: So Roman you decided to eat dinner without us?

Roman: Wednesday I can explain.

Serpent Wednesday (Walks up to Mary, grabs her arm the one with the missing hand, Mary’s blood runs down his hand, tastes the blood): You sure do have great taste in food Roman, let’s see what her friend tastes like.

*Wednesday scratches Jane on the arm, Jane screams and grabs ahold of her arm as blood runs down it, Wednesday then taste the blood*

Serpent Wednesday: Not as good as the other but still good.

Roman: Aren’t you going to kill me?

Serpent Wednesday: I’m willing to let it go this time, besides I’m a little bit hungry myself.

*Jane takes out a cell phone and starts dialing someone, Wednesday takes the phone away from Jane, Jane screams while Wednesday covers her mouth and pushes her away from the phone*

911 operator: 911 what’s your emergency?

Serpent Wednesday: Nothing sorry I accidently dialed you by mistake sorry about that everything is fine.

*Wednesday hangs up, crushes the phone and punches Jane in the face, Jane flinches from the pain*

Jane: Please don’t kill us!

Serpent Wednesday: It’s already too late for your friend.

Jane (Sees that Mary has passed out in a pool of her own blood) MARY! (Starts to cry)

Serpent Wednesday (Grabs Jane and pulls her close to him): Don’t worry you’ll be joining her soon enough.

Jane: Let me go I won’t tell anyone about any of this!

Serpent Wednesday: I know you won’t.

*Wednesday goes to bite Jane on the neck then stops, Jane screams as tears roll down her face, Wednesday scratches Jane on the face*

Serpent Wednesday: Shut the fuck up!

Jane (Stops screaming, winces): Please let me go!

Serpent Wednesday: You know what? They’re your prey Roman, hurry up and eat we have a concert to do.

Roman (Thinking): Wednesday is planning something he is much to calm.

*Back at the venue Troy, Jack and Kyle are rehearsing*

Troy: Again Roman?

Roman: Why don’t you shut up and mind your own business?

Serpent Wednesday: Enough fighting let’s finish up sound check the show starts in an hour.

*One hour later*

Serpent Wednesday: Show time is everyone ready?

Troy/Jack/Kyle: Ready.

Roman: Rea…(Holds stomach in pain) dy!

Jack (Places a hand on Roman's shoulder, looks at him concerned): ...?

Roman: I’m alright Jack, come on let’s go!

*One hour later on stage the song that they were playing ends Wednesday walks off to the side of the stage grabs a toy gun and returns to the front of the stage in his human form*

Wednesday: Sing along if you know the words! READY? LET’S GO!

Wednesday/Fans: R.A.M.B.O blow ’em up like Rambo R.A.M.B…

Wednesday: WHOOOOOAA!

*Roman retches, Roman removes his mask and throws up a human skull. The fans see the skull, they scream and runaway in fear*

Troy: Way to fucking go Planet eater!

Roman (Puts mask back on) Shut the hell up chain smoker!

Troy: What was that?

Wednesday: Jack stop those two, we have to get out of here!

*Jack punches Troy and Roman in the head and picks them both up as they black out, Kyle laughs at this, Jack tells Kyle to leave by looking towards the backstage exit. Kyle is disappointed, Jack kicks Kyle in the jaw causing some of his teeth to brake, Kyle spits them out, tastes blood, laughs insanely, and goes after the remaining fans in the venue ripping them apart one by one with his bare hands. A few minutes later back at the bus, Wednesday has shape shifted back into his serpent form, Jack throws Roman and Troy onto the bus. Wednesday sees that Kyle is missing and asks Jack where he is, Jack points to the venue*


End file.
